losing

i have lost two thirds of my ENT faculties
i have been losing temper on road these days
i am losing my patience [nothing new]
i am losing the inspiration to have this blog [i so want to shut it]
the mind is losing to the passion
the passion is losing to the overwhelming bouts of re-realisation



and as enrique iglesias' not in love plays in the background, i feel that... i have been losing myself

a kid

why do you ask me to give it up when you are not giving it up?

or

why do i expect you to give it up when i am not giving it up?




your age doesn't really make a difference to you. you still are susceptible, you still have expectations, you still scream, not give up, become unhappy, curse, cry, despair at not getting something that is there that you really like and is out of your reach.

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind - a confused retrace

i finally saw 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind', i mean from the starting till the end, the very end which i couldn't pick anyways. i knew the plot but didn't know the end. i still don't...

life is like snaps put together.

what i liked about jim carey was the way he fidgeted in the movie. he is a simple guy and he loves this girl in his nice, simple way. he wants her and his want for her is so strong that he gets angry. anger which is very soon [moments later] beaten by the love that he has inside him for her. he brings small gifts for her. he likes it when she smiles looking at the gifts. her smiles gives him some weird kind of satisfaction. he loves her smiles anyways. he loves the way she pouts when she smiles that subtle smile. he loves her hair. he loves touching her hair. he loves to talk to her. he feels deprived when she isn't there and he feels discontent when he isn't telling her how much he loves her.

she is some sort of maverick, living a past of strong relationship. but even with the lover that's alive in her, he is drown in his own love for her.

simple or plain to me is concentrated and demanding. love is so too i guess. the problem is when this simplicity can't recognize the layers of emotions in the other person.

the highlight of the movie being the way he goes to a company to get his memories of her deleted. but halfway through the process he realises [that he took the stupid decision of erasing his memories of her in some fit of anger] that she is too precious for him and the moments in which she loved him back were the only moments in life he can cling to. he doesn't want them to be deleted. he doesn't want her to not be.

she wore the black dress

i don't like changing my template and i have said this before... in fact i don't like the notion of change itself. but my notions withstanding change is important. there have been very [many and] old requests [from some very desirable looking females] that i change this colour to that and do this and do that with the template but call it laziness or aversion to change [and plus those were the golden old days when there used to be plethora of female visitors to this blog], i have never been able to change anything.

i even thought of changing the MC pic on the top of my sidebar. but there hasn't been an inspiration till now.

i have a very strong reason to change the pic and put the smaller version of the new one here now. tell me if you like this one better or the one on the side-bar. i probably would not listen to your reasons though :p [until and unless you are AMC herself maybe]

she has that rocking bobcut

it came as a surprise to me. i mean i myself don't exactly recall the post in which i would have written but i like short hairs more than long. and i do remember talking about halle berry. i haven't seen monster's ball but i have seen its previews and i think with the kind of hair she had in that movie, she looked stunning. regarding long hair, i like them only when they are tied the way betty of archies series does and the lot depends on the person's features too but still. but none of the type are better than the bobcuts as, i guess, they are popularly called.

i guess i have my polaroid aviators for more than a year now and i have not stopped liking them at all. plus have got approval from some of the people whose opinion i care about too. the next one that i want, the ones i was talking about with a dear one are the original ray bans - one with green glasses and the other with grey glasses and steel rim. and the dear one asked, when will you wear which? and i was like: umm... ummm... ummmm... [and some stupid answer]. but the question remains - when?

tagging-games kids play

i has been long since the fashion of tagging bloggers you know has gone, so this tag was more of a surprise. and i didn't do it cause of the same old reason why i ain't blogging as much. other than lack of interest it seems to be laziness.

but johny asked me to do it so here goes:-

but before anything; cmon johny, how in the world can you even attempt such a nonsensical tag! but i can imagine the reason after looking at the name of the blogger who tagged you ;)

3 things i enjoy doing in summers

mangoes, the big bright yellow ones which have huge meat. i don't really love the dushehries. i find them messy thus disappointing.

girls, absolutely [the lack of layers and layers of clothing really compensates for lots of other stuff]

cold water baths in the evenings [it is not as much fun in the mornings as it is in the evenings. it feels like you are spraying life on to yourself]

i won't tag anyone because this is an absolutly idiotic tag.

broken

anil wanted to not love anyone because pooja was married

pooja was married to someone she didn't love but she was learning... to love him

shalu was making up her mind to not ever get married because the one she wanted to got married to pooja

vicky worked late and hard and drove when he wanted to cry because he screwed the life of 2 people - pooja and shalu

saurabh was disillusioned, he was the most eligible bachelor in the college, he had always wondered in pain why do anamika not love him when every other girl in the college did

anamika wanted to get the hell out of the college and the world because the man she loved for 4 years won't ever come back from the spot where he was killed in a freak motorbike accident

deepti sometimes wonders why did she leave the city and mukesh behind, but maybe he was same as all the men she loved and never got anything in return

its been 7 years and mukesh is still waiting, she said she'll come and said she will call him before coming, mukesh wonders if she is dialing the correct number

rekha talks to people because they must have talked to atul and talking with them she hopes that they might speak about atul and lend her something to cling to in life

atul wants to live alone, because when he is alone divya is everywhere

another gone weekend

yesterday was one of those days when everything seems to be going the way it should but it still wasn't providing any sense of happiness.

gurgaon is very far for anything. especially with such a hard clutch as in case of my zen and temperatures trying not very hard to successfully touch 45 damn degrees. reached the other correct end of the city without much hassle or phone calls, got parking space after being a spectator to what looked sheer stupid collective predicament of all those people. movie tickets were easier and food filled before half of the plate was empty. movie was fun and ice tea were too. coming back took double the time. and folks weren't in great mood.

monday morning don't affect me like they popularly do. but today it isn't as exciting. hope it gets better.

delhi - chopta - tungnath - not chandrashila - delhi

the most damaging thing about being commonplace is that even beauty isn't credited if it is commonplace. you sleep while you are driving through the 12 hours of winding roads in absolutely beautiful green almora hills with turquoise alaknanda flowing like a stream in almost picture perfect settings of the valley; when any travel guide in the world would be begging to place the settings in the top 25 most beautiful must see places, if the settings are cut only a frame and placed anywhere in sahara, you really don't seem to pay a lot of attention.

this is what happened to my drive to chopta this last weekend. and the philosophy resonates in everything. the girls that would seem incredible in sector 18 would be commonplace in gk1. so thats how cruel commonality is. so coming back to the drive that started past midnight in a tee and pajamas ended almost 14 hours later in the tee buried deep under couple of fleecy layers.

excitement was propheciesed by the adventurous omen that had all of us trying to control our heartbeats. the omen was the cab ride backwards and downhill with everyone outside and inside trying to stop it with the help of gear [manu], brakes by hand [that SOB driver], muscles [subbu], handbrake [deepak], stones [me] and screams [dear prashant :D]. we reached the base-camp nonetheless with couple of guys and a girl we picked up on the road in the kitty.

small banging in my head withstanding we started the trek and as unexpected reached a little less than half-way. the first night without electricity or phone connections was past literally in the nature's lap after our gang gobbled up around a crate full of eggs, half a dozen dal servings and another half dozen veg and rajma servings with half-hundred rotis. pin-drop silent night went without anything but forest sounds.

our timings the next morning were comfortably couple of hours off-target, not that anybody did mind, but it ripped off plans of any other excursion from the schedule. another thing that nature does to you is that it takes nude girls off your mind. or maybe that nature of that trek was such that you keep on thinking about saving your own ass from rolling downhill instead of the corresponding part of the anatomy of the fairer counterparts. the next morning we did it in half the time and were rewarded for our enthusiasm by virtually empty temple courtyard which was otherwise filled with 4-5 feets of snow and light snowfall. the trail to chandrashila was invisible so trekking it went out of the equation. negotiating descent on snow was as tricky as the ascent but the pit-stop at the hanging cliff was beautiful. i am awaiting the pics of that part from prashant's and deepak's camera.

drive back home had me sullen for the couple of hours for the unhappiness of losing my aviators. but i was happy when i found them [with dear prashant's 100% help]. and alaknanda looked all the more beautiful then.

desire is a tricky emotion

i bought it twice but started reading it for the first time. i have an history of taking wrong first impressions, it seems. at the onset it seemed coarse. talking about sex but not using the [im]popular words. 'the alchemy of desire' is a fat novel which it seems would grow upon you. it has a certain mystery to it which makes you turn pages when at the same time you wonder if it is interesting at all.

i might take it to the chopta-tungnath-chandrashila trip. although it would add to the load but it should be a fun read in the long journey.