treatment

i shouldn't be writing what i am going to [am thinking of] writing now. firstly because i am currently at peace with myself, with things [i am not counting career related stuff and all] and i don't have to stir the hornet's nest.

but the point is that i want to write is an indication enough that the house has been shaken. ummm, well, maybe, that was an exaggeration but something did happen. actually i happen to see some pictures. i generally don't get to see pictures of people who have had a significant impact on me somewhere in my life for long or for small duration does not matter.

this one had huge. the person was present for not more than 3 months. but the impression was huge. i mean i think about it now and give myself a wry smile when i realise that somethings happened to me as they happen to people i call kids...

i was treated the way fate wanted me to be treated. actually it was a treatment or i should not call it a treatment because if i would decide to call that an act of treatment then i won't be true to a part of myself. but i was pissed off. a part of me says that i was not being very reasonable but reasoning really went for a toss [isn't that why we call people kids because they don't do things that justify our reasoning]. and just a few pics brought me to a state where i won't mind acting childish again [making a fool of myself again - i don't say that with any sarcasm because in a way that foolishness was sweet, it was as much desired as opted for].

i am writing crap, i know; earlier i used to write much more honestly... i used to admit, i used to confess, i was happy [and maybe unhappy too] with the fact that i was utterly in love [although i still don't believe that i was. is it again the same old beloved ego? but even that has helped me somewhere].

but then why did the situation get such worse? maybe because i was very angry and i wanted to be more angry. maybe i was not getting a chance to vent my anger. yes, i wanted to be angry, and furious, and caustic at you. i wanted to scream. but that's the problem with me, i get mum when i am angry and then i cradle that anger inside myself till it makes me blind. maybe i should have met paris and screamed till my throat went hoarse. atleast that would have been better than the way i treated her ultimately, and i talk about treatment extended to me...